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older fart

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  1. older fart

    Tesla Model S - EV Cars

    I agree with your opinion Tesla vs the others. There was an interesting article on the true cost of powering your electric vehicle recently. Main point (and I know everyone here is smart enough realize this) was that electricity rates, especially residential rates, vary widely across the country and even through the course of the day. This has to be used when calculating the cost / 100 miles for electric vehicles. I believe the EPA used 11 cents / kwh as their national average which is actually too low. What I have never seen and would like to see is someone do research into the true total energy footprint of electric and hybrid cars that includes the disposal costs for the batteries, the increase manufacturing costs, the increased generation capacities needed, the true subsidies, etc. I suspect we would find that electric and hybrid cars are a lot more expensive than fossil fuel and place a greater burden on the environment. Cheers Mac
  2. older fart

    Paradise is gone!

    I just found this thread and was saddened. Phil, congratulations on your new life style. I hope you and Gail enjoy everything you do. I do have one question, though. Did you keep a kayak, canoe, rowboat, whatever so Gail can retain her Admiral title? If not, what is the title we give boatless spouses? Mac
  3. older fart

    Another Blonde Joke.

    A plane is on its way to Houston when a blonde in economy class gets up and moves to the first class section and sits down. The flight attendant watches her do this and asks to see her ticket. She then tells the blonde that she paid for economy class and that she will have to sit in the back. The blonde replies, 'I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Houston and I'm staying right here.' The flight attendant goes into the cockpit and tells the pilot and the copilot that there is a blonde bimbo sitting in first class that belongs in economy and won't move back to her seat. The copilot goes back to the blonde and tries to explain that because she only paid for economy she will have to leave and return to her seat. The blonde replies, 'I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Houston and I'm staying right here.' The copilot tells the pilot that he probably should have the police waiting when they land to arrest this blonde woman who won't listen to reason. The pilot says, 'You say she is a blonde? I'll handle this. I'm married to a blonde. I speak blonde.' He goes back to the blonde and whispers in her ear, and she says, 'oh, I'm sorry.' and she gets up and goes back to her seat in economy. The flight attendant and copilot are amazed and asked him what he said to make her move without any fuss. I told her, 'First class isn't going to Houston.
  4. older fart

    Another Blonde Joke.

    A blonde is in the recovery room following surgery. The doctor comes in to check on his patient. He begins to explain the surgery went very well and... She interrupts and asks "How soon can I resume a normal sex life?". The doctor pauses, stumbles, and then chuckles. Finally he says "Ya know, that is the first time I've been asked that question after a tonsillectomy."
  5. older fart

    Remember to Vote Share if you agree

    Voted by mail last week. Extremely convenient.
  6. older fart

    WRITE YOUR OWN CAPTION

    Caution! Prepper On Board
  7. older fart

    A new sign in the Bank Lobby

    A new sign in the Bank Lobby reads: Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-through ATM machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles. Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts. After months of careful research, MALE and FEMALE procedures have been developed. Please follow the appropriate steps for your gender: MALE PROCEDURE 1. Drive up to the cash machine. 2. Put down your car window. 3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN. 4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw. 5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt. 6. Put window up. 7. Drive off. FEMALE PROCEDURE 1. Drive up to cash machine. 2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine. 3. Set parking brake, put the window down. 4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card. 5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up. 6. Attempt to insert card into machine. 7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car. 8. Insert card. 9. Re-insert card the right way. 10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page. 11. Enter PIN. 12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN. 13. Enter amount of cash required. 14. Check makeup in rear view mirror. 15. Retrieve cash and receipt. 16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside. 17. Write debit amount in check register and place receipt in back of checkbook. 18. Re-check makeup. 19. Drive forward 2 feet. 20. Reverse back to cash machine. 21. Retrieve card. 22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided.! 23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you. 24. Restart stalled engine and pull off. 25. Redial person on cell phone. 26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles. 27. Release Parking Brake.
  8. older fart

    Service In Phoenix Area?

    Welcome to Arizona and specifically Scottsdale. Since you will be on the east side of town, here is my favorite local link for those of us with trailers and more than one lake to choose from: http://www.srpwater.com/dwr/ (then use the latest report link on that page). Bartlett is one of my favorites, but is at < 50% capacity right now. The local Chappy dealer is on the west side of town on 19th Avenue between Dunlap & Peoria (http://scmboats.com/service.asp). Again, welcome to the neighborhood.
  9. older fart

    Memorial Day.

    To all who have served, are serving, and will serve, we offer our most heartfelt and sincere, THANK YOU
  10. older fart

    Celibacy

    What is Celibacy? Celibacy can be a choice in life, or a condition imposed by circumstances. While attending a Marriage Weekend, Frank and his wife Ann listened to the instructor declare, "It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other." He then addressed the men. "Can you name and describe your wife's favorite flower?" Frank leaned over, touched Ann's arm gently, and whispered, "Gold Medal-All-Purpose, isn't it?" And thus began Frank's life of celibacy...
  11. older fart

    The Value of a Drink

    'Sometimes when I reflect back on all the wine I drink I feel shame. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the vineyards and all of their hopes and dreams If I didn't drink this wine, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, 'It is better that I drink this wine and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver.' ~ Jack Handy WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the #$^% happened to your bra and panties. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~ 'I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day. ' ~Frank Sinatra WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~ 'When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.' ~ Henny Youngman WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~ '24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not.' ~ Stephen Wright WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~ 'Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.' ~ Benjamin Franklin WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an idiot. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~ 'Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.' ~ Dave Barry WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~ To some ! it's a six-pack, to me it's a Support Group. Salvation in a can! ~ Dave Howell WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~ And saving the best for last, as explained by Cliff Clavin,of Cheers. One afternoon at Cheers, Cliff Clavin was explaining the Buffalo Theory to his buddy Norm. Here's how it went: 'Well ya see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers.' WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not!
  12. older fart

    World Series

    I have no special feelings towards Texas, but I cannot root for anything from San Francisco, so Go Rangers!
  13. older fart

    Brining back a brave soldier

    Thank you Billy. I'm in Mexico on vacation and supposed to be thinking happy thoughts. One of the happiest I can find is how much we owe our servicemen and servicewomen. Thank you all!
  14. older fart

    GO FOR IT AZ.

    The governor signed the bill today. Just to make sure my opinion is fully stated. I support immigration (which by definition is legal). If you'd like to come to America and live and work next to me, you are welcome to join me in this wonderful country. Please, follow the process and come legally, be an immigrant. If you like it here, become a naturalized citizen, but that is not a requirement. If you come to my country criminally (aka illegally), please expect to be treated like a criminal. Cheers, Mac
  15. older fart

    GO FOR IT AZ.

    The beauty of the legislation is this: It is meant to enforce existing Arizona state laws. From what I've read and heard, the Supreme Court cannot overturn this because there is nothing federal or inter-state about it. Now, if only we can get our 'agonizing' governor to go ahead and sign it. Cheers
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